Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
