i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
