Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
