I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
