we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
