My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
