recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
