Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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