I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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