I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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