I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
