i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Still dying that you shit outside
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
