8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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