there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
