omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
