I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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