I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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