My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
And then my night got REAL pukey
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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