I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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