ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
should my penis look like a turkey
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
