So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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