i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
