mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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