Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
