So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
