Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
