I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
