So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
