"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
