What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
