sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
