Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
