Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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