eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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