i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
