I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
