Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
