Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
