So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
