imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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