if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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