Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
