Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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