that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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