It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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