I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
