Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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