Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
