Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
