with your own penis?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
