A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
